Stagedoor Confidential
by Ellsie Kai
Summary: This is a story based on the true happenings of outside a theatre after a Broadway show. This is my story I created it, the characters, please do not take it without my permission. I hope you enjoy it, please respond.


**Stagedoor Confidential**

**Characters**

**Amy Gallagher**- host of "Stagedoor Confidential" and journalism student at Columbia

**Clarissa**- acting student and believes she is the center of the universe

**Ella**- emotional but loves the idea of stagedooring

**Eva**- college student, very naive and perky and Ella's best friend

**Lucia**- Broadway fan and a bit of a gossip and has problems with Maggie

**Maggie**- a little too friendly and sure of herself

**Ned**- former nerd, now simple fan and friend of a cast member

**Sabrina**- imbalanced emotions and has issues with Clarissa

**Tamara**- know-it-all and always has to out-do others

**Actors**- Adam; Jessica; David; Jeremy; Kirsten; Danny; Sean

**Setting**

A news show setup, brightly colored, a desk that has the words "Stagedoor Confidential" printed on it

The back of a theatre, a door reading "Stagedoor", metal barriers set around it

_Open with Amy sitting at the newsdesk. She's wearing _

_a grey suit jacket and skirt with a purple tee shirt _

_underneath, her hair is very professional. Lights come _

_on and broadcast music fades out. Amy drops some _

_papers she had been looking through and looks straight _

_in front of her._

**Amy**: (_smiling_) Hello everyone out there in the i-Universe. I am Amy Gallagher and this is, of course, "Stagedoor Confidential". This is the only place to see the underbelly of the Great White Way and the only podcast to tell the truth of all those star struck fans. Today we stagedoor Broadway's freshman hit musical, (_film jumps_) now playing at the (_film jumps_) theatre. During my studies for this show, I repeatedly ran into members of a specific group of fans, luckily, on the day of filming I was able to catch up with a large number of this group. Six to be exact, plus one I'd never seen before and another who, (_smirks_) apparently, belongs to another group, but our car-cam got them all together. (_sitting up straight_)As always, I must inform our viewers that all those shown on this podcast have signed a release. No one appears without their consent. So now let us roll the tape and see what (_film jumps_)'s fans have to say on "Stagedoor Confidential" May 22.

_Switch to a small, but impressive, crowd gathered _

_around the stagedoor. Most are females in the _

_twenties, but some males, older, and younger people _

_are there. Amy walks in, wearing the same purple _

_tee shirt now with jeans, flip-flops, aviator _

_sunglasses, and a back pack. She now has on a wig _

_over her real hair. She walks toward a group of six _

_girls and one guy._

**Amy**- (_to the group_) Hey.

**Lucia**, **Sabrina**, **Ned**- Hey.

**Amy**- Is this where the cast comes out?

**Sabrina**- Yep. (_pointing to the door_) 'Stagedoor'.

**Amy**- Thanks. (_moves away from the group, a couple feet_)

**Eva**- I have one of the songs stuck in my head.

**Tamara**- Which one?

**Eva**- The one that girl sings when she's dancing with that guy. It was in the second act.

**Lucia**- (_sarcastic_) Very precise.

**Eva**- This one. (_starts humming_)

**Tamara**- Oh, you mean (_film jumps_)

**Eva**- Probably. Ella?

**Ella**- (_not really caring_) That's the one.

**Ned**- (_walking to Ella_) What's your problem?

**Ella**- No problem here. Why?

**Ned**- 'Cause you look pissed.

**Ella**- (_defensive_) Well, I'm not. Just tired, someone had me up at five am. (looks at Lucia)

**Lucia**- (_loudly_) Hey, it's not my fault it takes us two hours to get here.

**Ella**- (_loudly_) No, but it is your fault that we got here two hours before the tickets went on sale. Why'd you volunteer me to be a place holder anyway?

**Eva**- (_coming between them_) Come on, I was here only a half hour after you. But, hey, we just saw a nice, happy show. What ever happened to life imitating art?

**Ned**- (_clears his throat_) It's "art imitates life".

**Tamara**- Besides, with Sabrina here, none of us have to fight. She'll do it all for us.

**Sabrina**- (_hands up_) Leave me out of this.

**Tamara**- Why? You know you do it. I've known you for four years and you're always the one to fight. No one else. Especially when it comes to you-know-who.

**Sabrina**- (_proper_) Who ever could you be referring to, Tamara?

**Tamara**- (_seriously_) You know, Clarissa.

**Lucia**- (_hitting Tamara gently_) I think she was kidding.

**Tamara**- (_embarrassed_) Oh.

**Eva**- Wait. Who's Clarissa?

**Ella**- (_putting her arms around Eva_) Oh, she doesn't know, isn't that sweet? I'm so jealous. (_moves over to let Ned in between them_)

**Ned**- (_to Eva_) Clarissa is only the biggest bitch that ever walked this planet.

**Sabrina**- Ned! Since when do you talk about people behind their backs?

**Ned**- You gonna tell me I'm wrong?

**Sabrina**- I never said that. But still.

**Lucia**- But still nothing. Ned-y boy's right. She has a giant ego, her head is inflated with nothing but air, and her mouth spews crap to make sure everyone around her knows who she is.

**Tamara**- Not to mention that 65 of the people here know and hate her.

**Sabrina**- Please can we not talk about her right now? I just had some M&Ms.

**Eva**- Wait, is she here today?

**Sabrina**- (_rolling her eyes_) Probably. She's here almost as often as the cast itself.

**Tamara**- Honestly, she's here every time any one of us is here and between the five of us we have, what, thirty seven shows?

**Eva**- Wow. (_laughing to herself_) That's ridiculous.

**Ella**- Tell me about it. Add that onto the fact that she thinks she's going to be in the show since she's been here so many times.

**Lucia**- When did she say that?

**Ella**- (_turning to Lucia_) That's what she told Samantha a couple weeks ago when she came out after the mat. I told you, didn't I?

**Lucia**- No, what happened?

**Eva**- Wait, who's Samantha?

**Tamara**- She's in the ensemble. She played (_film jumps_).

**Eva**- (_remembering_) Oh. She can't dance.

**Tamara**- No, but I think if she tried any harder she might've popped out of her top. (_Tamara pantomimes the act_)

**Ned**- Okay, you saw that, too. I thought it was just wishful thinking on my part.

**Eva**- No, no, I saw it, too.

**Ella**- Anyway, yea, the last time I was here, when George went on as (_film jumps_), Ned and I were standing here waiting to talk to Jeremy, you know, for him to get out since he takes for-ev-er. Well, Clarissa stopped Samantha and oh my God, she looked like she wanted a plane to just fall on both of their heads.

**Ned**- (_nodding in agreement_) Oh, yea. Plus she was starving, she said she hadn't eaten anything since a powerbar an hour before the show.

**Sabrina**- And you know those actors, they'll kill you if you get between them and their food.

**Ned**- Right.

**Ella**- (_dismissing their comments_) Yea, well she was really nice, stopped to talk to her with a phony smile and everything. Then she started talking about how she'd be able to replace her. (_throwing her hands around_) To her face!

**Tamara**- Christ, imagine telling someone that you would like to replace them. Poor Samantha.

**Sabrina**- And she's so sweet.

**Lucia**- (_shaking her head_) That witch! Who'd do that?

**Eva**- Apparently Clarissa would. (_to Ella_) No wonder you've been using her name to describe Professor Espinoza. She sounds horrible.

**Sabrina**- You haven't even heard the worst of it.

**Lucia**- (_putting her arm around Eva's shoulders_) Oh the stories we could tell you.

**Eva**- (_wide eyed_) You mean there are more? How many? Ball park figure.

**Lucia**- A dozen, I'd say. And those are just ones we've witnessed.

**Eva**- Wow!

**Ned**- (_in his best tour guide voice_) If you'd like to hear some of the terrible acts of one Miss Clarissa, I'm sure Lucia's just itching to tell you some good stories.

**Ella**- (_before Lucia could say anything_) How 'bout I tell you? (_to Lucia_) You're wasiting for Candy Cane to come out, right? He'll probably be out first ones.

**Eva**- Wait, who's Candy Cane? One of the actors?

**Ella**- Yea, Adam, actually. (_to Eva's raised eyebrow_) It's a long story. But Clarissa? That's a bunch of little stories all rolled into one. (_guiding Eva away_) Going back to the beginning, all those months ago. It was, like, October and she was wearing a sheer top over her bra- and that was it and …

**Lucia**- (_gesturing to Ella_) What's her problem?

**Ned**- I dunno, you tell us. You're the one living with her.

**Lucia**- Yea, but you are her cousin.

**Ned**- That doesn't mean anything. I only see her here at the show. Other than this it's online conversations.

**Tamara**- Me, too. And it's like talking to two different people.

**Sabrina**- Like Jekyll and Hyde?

**Tamara**- (_thinking about it_) Kinda.

**Sabrina**- I think it has something to do with Stagedoor. (_Ned, Lucia, and Tamara look at her questionably_) At stagedoor she always seems, like, pissed but online she's funny.

**Lucia**- You're right. It's like some post-traumatic disorder thing. After the show she hits a low but is better once we get back to the apartment. You think we should ask… (_someone comes out the door, whispers_) Hey, it's Candy Cane. (_calls_) Adam!

**Adam**- (_walking over_) Hey! How are you guys?

**Lucia**- (_with a huge smile_) Good, and you?

**Ned**- OK, and you?

**Tamara**- (_with a huge smile_) Great, and you?

**Adam**- I'm good.

**Lucia**- Hey, I was watching TV a couple nights ago and I thought I saw you. When did you do "Will and Grace"?

**Adam**- (_laughing_) Oh, that had to be, like, four years ago. What channel?

**Lucia**- Eleven, I think.

**Adam**- I have to tell my girlfriend that she missed again. She's been trying to see me as a gay man for a few months now, since I told her. (_looking around_) Well, I should get something to eat before all of the McDonalds are filled with theatre-goers.

**Ella**- (_rushing over_) Before you go, Adam. Can you sign her playbill? (_pushes Eva next to him_)

**Eva**- (_giggling_) Hi.

**Adam**- Hi. How are you?

**Eva**- I'm good. I loved the show, you were great.

**Adam**- Thanks. Was this your first time? (_signs her playbill_)

**Eva**- Yea. I loved it. (_giggles_)

**Adam**- Well, I'm glad you liked it. (_hands back playbill_) I have to go. Have a good day. (_everyone waves as he walks off_)

**Tamara**- (_whispering_) Girlfriend? Why does he have a girlfriend?

**Lucia**- Honestly!

**Ella**- You know nights get lonely. Even members of an ensemble need some lovin'.

**Tamara**- (_annoyed_) No, Ella. Not like that. I mean, he's gay. Why doesn't he have a boyfriend?

**Eva**- He's gay? Who said?

**Lucia**- (_waving her hands around_) His body language, his voice, his ability to dance. He's flaming!

**Ned**- Apparently not. And, at the risk of cliché-ing it up, I told you so.

**Tamara**- There's no way he's not. He has to be.

**Ned**- Why because she-who-must-not-be-named said he was?

**Eva**- (_to Ella_) Clarissa?

**Ella**- Yup. (_to Tamara and Lucia_) Since when do you guys listen to her?

**Tamara**- We don't, he just seems so out.

**Sabrina**- Honestly. He's my gay best friend and everything.

**Ella**- Well, he's not. He said it himself, not Clarissa, he has a girlfriend. Keyword: 'girl'. Deal with it.

**Ned**- Okay, can we please stop discussing Candy Cane's personal preferences.?

**Ella**- Oh right.

**Eva**- What?

**Lucia**- Ned has this thing about (_air quotes_) 'the gays'. Not quite homophobia, he just doesn't like hearing about it.

**Sabrina**- But he's totally fine with the idea. We just can't speak of it.

**Eva**- (_catching on_) "Don't ask, don't tell."

**Ned**- (_annoyed_) Alright, alright, can we please move on?

**Sabrina**- Oh, come on, we have time and this is the best place to do tit. It's gay-central. It's like the mother ship.

**Ned**- Maybe but I still don't…

**Lucia**- You know he can't talk about it ever since...

**Tamara**- (_cutting her off_) Jessica just came out.

**Ella**- Which one?

**Tamara**- Nonna.

**Sabrina**- Oh, I still need my picture with her.

**Ella**- Me, too. (_thinking_) Oh, wait, I got it last time. (_to Eva_) Do you want one with her? She's the sweetest thing ever.

**Eva**- (_confused_) Nonna?

**Ella**- Another long story. Do you want one?

**Eva**- Yea. Am I ever going to learn the meanings behind the names?

**Ned**- Not if you enjoy your sanity. (_Lucia elbows him_) Ow.

**Sabrina**- (_grabs Jessica's arm_) Hey, Jessica. I have got to tell you again, I completely love your (_film jumps_).

**Jessica**- (_smiling_) Thank you. All of you. (_looking at the group_) Wait, I don't know one of you, do I?

**Ned**- (_pointing to Eva_) That's Eva. It's her first show.

**Jessica**- Hey, there. It's nice to meet you. (_Eva giggles_) So, this was your first time seeing the show? (_Eva nods_) Well, how'd you like it?

**Eva**- It was a lot of fun. You did a great job. (_holds out her playbill_)

**Jessica**- You want me to sign? (_Eva nods and gives her the playbill_) Oh, shoot, I didn't grab a sharpie. People don't usually ask me to sign.

**Ella**- Why not?

**Jessica**- Oh, please. I'm nothing special. But I will sign for you guys. That is, if anyone has a pen I could use. (_Lucia gives her a pen_) Thank you. (_signs and gives playbill back_) Anyone else?

**Sabrina**- (_meek_) Not today. (_Jessica's smile shrinks_) But can I get a picture with you?

**Jessica**- (_smile widens and gives back pen_) Sure, come here. (_puts arm around Sabrina_) Who has the camera?

**Tamara**- I do. (_holds up camera_) You ready? (_takes picture_) Okay.

**Sabrina**- Thank you.

**Jessica**- (_confused_) Did it take? I didn't hear anything.

**Tamara**- No, it took. See? (_shows her picture_)

**Jessica**- Oh, good camera.

**Tamara**- Thank you, cost me a paycheck. (_pushing Eva_) I think she wants one now.

**Eva**- (_giggles_) Please.

**Jessica**- No problem. Come here. (_pulls her close_)

**Tamara**- Say cheese!

**Jessica**- Cheese!

**Tamara**- (_takes picture_) Thank you.

**Eva**- Thank you.

**Jessica**- No sweat. (_looking around_) Now, if I remember correctly, I took my pictures with all of you.

**Ella**- (_amazed_) How'd you know?

**Jessica**- (_laughing_) I go on (_film jumps_) dot com. I remember seeing all of yours. I think. (_raising an eyebrow_) Do I?

**Lucia**- (_nodding_) Yea. We all have one with you.

**Jessica**- Then I'm going to go. I'm actually supposed to be meeting my friend Jacqueline, like, now.

**Tamara**- Jacqueline Besty? From (_film jumps_)? (_Jessica nods_) We saw that last night. She was great in it.

**Jessica**- Oh great. I'll make sure to tell her that. (_starts off_) Okay, all, I'll see you soon. Thanks for coming. (_everyone waves her off_)

**Eva**- I liked her. She talked a lot.

**Sabrina**- Right? And she's the cutest person ever. This is her Broadway debut so she's, honestly, just happy to be here.

**Ned**- And she played (_film jumps_).

**Eva**- Yea, I got that. (_beat_) Thank you, though. (_Ned nods_)

**Ella**- (_leaning in close_) Hey, Tamara. Your best friend's here.

**Tamara**- (_rolls eyes_) Oh, God, please don't mean who I think you mean.

**Sabrina**- I think she means Maggie. She's against the wall, next to the door.

**Tamara**- Oh, so she can talk to everyone like she doesn't see them four times a week? (_drops sarcasm_) Does she have anyone with her?

**Eva**- Yea. She's talking to the guy who played (_film jumps_). What was his name? (_thinking_) I remember looking because he looked a lot like my sister's ex-boyfriend.

**Ella**- (_distracted_) David.

**Eva**- (_nods_) Right. David, because my sister's ex is Anthony and his brother is David. (_to herself_) Not this David because that David is, like, fourteen now and this David's probably in his thirties.

**Ned**- Wow, look who opened up? (_claps_) It's about time. (_Eva smiles at him_)

**Lucia**- (_to Tamara_) I still don't know why you don't like Maggie. It's not like she Clarissa.

**Tamara**- No, she's Clarissa-esque. She's Clarissa-ish. Maggie's only a couple steps behind Clarissa. You heard what she said about me.

**Lucia**- So, she said you were loud and obnoxious? You are!

**Tamara**- I may be but she doesn't have to tell everyone.

**Sabrina**- Yea. If you really want to know just spend two minutes with her. (_Lucia elbows him_)

**Eva**- Wait, if she said that about you, what did she say about the rest of you?

**Ned**- Well, nothing. (_Eva raises eyebrow_)

**Tamara**- (_mocking him_) Well, not that we know.

**Lucia**- Please. With (_film jumps_) dot com we know everything that goes on at stagedoor.

**Eva**- (_turning to Ella_) So, anyway, do you have any nicknames for David over there?

**Ella**- Of course. Tastey.

**Eva**- Tasty?

**Ella**- With an "e", yes.

**Tamara**- (_ignoring Eva and Ella_) I just don't like her. She calls me obnoxious and yet she'd the one who doesn't shut up about (_film jumps_) she doesn't even know about.

**Lucia**- Like what?

**Tamara**- Like David. She's not even a fan of his but she'll go on and on about the other shows he's been in. She's so fake AND she'd here all the time. You know they can completely see through her. Unless David is really stu-- (_Lucia elbows her_) What? (_Ned motions to David_)

**David**- (_walking past them_) Hey.

**Lucia**- Wait, David. (_he stops_) We have a first timer her.

**David**- Oh, really.

**Sabrina**- Yup (_points to Eva_) and I think she wants you to sign her playbill.

**Eva**- (_holding out playbill_) If you don't mind.

**David**- Of course not. (_signs_) So, how'd you like it?

**Sabrina**- (_fast_) She loved it.

**David**- I'm glad.

**Tamara**- And can I have a picture with you. (_gives camera to Ned_)

**David**- Yea. (_leans into her_) Smile. (_Ned takes picture_)

**Tamara**- Thanks, David.

**David**- You're welcome.

**Eva**- Can I...

**Sabrina**- (_jumping in_) Can I get one, too?

**David**- Sure, come on.

**Sabrina**- (_moves between David and Tamara_) Thank you.

**Ned**- Say cheese. (_takes picture_)

**David**- Okay, I gotta run. I'll see you guys later.

**Sabrina**- Bye. (_they all wave_)

**Eva**- (_to everyone_) What was that?

**Sabrina**- What?

**Ella**- (_whispers_) Here we go.

**Eva**- You completely blocked me.

**Sabrina**- Block you? How?

**Eva**- (_angry_) I was asking me for a picture and you cut me off.

**Sabrina**- (_eyes wide_) Oh my God. I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize.

**Eva**- (_taking a breath_) It's okay. You just didn't hear me. (_turns away from group_)

**Sabrina**- (_to Ella_) I really didn't know.

**Ella**- It's okay. (_turns with Eva, they walk away_)

**Lucia**- Wow, check out the New Kid. (_laughs_)

**Ned**- (_looking at Lucia_) Please don't ever speak like that again. (_frowns_) Sabrina, did you really not hear her, because I did?

**Sabrina**- Oh, I did. (_everyone is shocked_) What? Don't look at me like that.

**Tamara**- Why did you do it then and then tell her you didn't hear her?

**Sabrina**- (_rolls eyes_) Come on. It's not like I knew he was going to run off like that.

**Tamara**- Then why couldn't you wait?

**Sabrina**- Easy for you to say, you jumped at him as soon as you could.

**Tamara**- Don't be jealous because I asked your boyfriend for a picture first.

**Ned**- (_voice raised_) Hey! Stop it. How old are you two? (_to Sabrina_) Can you just say why you blocked Eva?

**Sabrina**- Why not? People do it to me.

**Tamara**- Who?

**Ella**- (_walking back_) Hey, look who we found. (_Ella and Eva are with a man_)

**Lucia**- Oh, hey Jeremy.

**Sabrina**, **Tamara**- Hi.

**Ned**- Hey, man. (_shakes Jeremy's hand_) What's up? How you been?

**Jeremy**- Nothing much. You guys?

**Ned**- Nothing. We got a (_film jumps_) virgin.

**Ella**- Nice, Ned.

**Jeremy**- (_laughs_) Yea, we already met.

**Eva**- (_looking at Sabrina, speaking to everyone_) Got my picture, too.

**Tamara**- Good. Oh, hey, you were great today. (_sarcastically_) I barely noticed you bumping into Georgette during (_film jumps_). (_Jeremy blushes_)

**Ella**- Ah, leave him alone.

**Lucia**- Honestly, it's not like it's his fault he was born without rhythm. (_all laugh_)

**Kirsten**- Hey! (_they all turn_)

**Sabrina**- Kirsten! (_hugs Kirsten_)

**Jeremy**- Hey, it's my on-stage fiancee. She'll tell you I can dance.

**Kirsten**- I could... but I hate lying to fans. (_all laugh at Jeremy_)

**Eva**- Hi, I'm Eva. (_shakes Kirsten's hand_) This was my first time. You played (_film jumps_), right?

**Kirsten**- Yes. (_Eva holds out playbill_) Sign? Sure. (_signs_) Jer, we have to get going.

**Jeremy**- Oh, right.

**Ned**- Where are you heading?

**Jeremy**- Rehearsal. We're doing thjis charity show-thing next week.

**Lucia**- Do you mean (_film jumps)_?

**Kirsten**- On Thursday, yup.

**Sabrina**- We're going.

**Kirsten**- Oh, goodie, fans. (_to Eva_) I love fans.

**Eva**- (_laughing_) I got that.

**Maggie**- What up, my bitches? (_all turn_)

**Sabrina**, **Lucia**, **Ella**- Hey.

**Jeremy**- Okay, so we have to go.

**Ned**- Alright, man. (_shakes Jeremy's hand, cheek kisses Kirsten_)

**Kirsten**- We'll see you next week. (_cheek kisses all_)

**Ella**- Bye, guys. (_all wave_)

**Maggie**- Where're they going?

**Tamara**- (_stand-off-ish_) Rehearsal.

**Sabrina**- They're doing a charity show next week.

**Maggie**- The one at (_film jumps_)? (_Lucia nods_) I wanted to go to that. They sold out before I got paid.

**Lucia**- You know why that is, right?

**Maggie**- No, why?

**Ella**- (_rolls eyes_) Oh, no, she'd going to start it again.

**Lucia**- (_to Ella_) Shut up. (_to Maggie_) You remember those girls who started coming here last month? The ones who dressed up like the characters?

**Maggie**- The ones who came every Saturday and Sunday last month, with that rather large woman?

**Lucia**- That's them. Well, I heard that they know someone who works at (_film jumps_), you know, where the concert is, and they reserved half of the room for them and their friends.

**Sabrina**- (_sighing_) So much for charity, right?

**Ella**- Honestly.

**Eva**- That's just mean. How did you guys get tickets?

**Lucia**- (_shrugs_) We bought them, like, six weeks ago.

**Maggie**- (_to Lucia_) Who told you they're the ones who bought it out?

**Tamara**- (_cutting Lucia off_) Danny, hi.

**Danny**- Oh, hi. How are you?

**Tamara**- I'm good and you?

**Danny**- I'm doing alright. The rest of you?

**Ned**- We're good.

**Maggie**- You were fantastic today. Honestly, it was like the best I've seen in a while.

**Danny**- Well, thank you. (_starts to leave_) I'm sorry, but I really have to get going. Thanks for coming, all of you. (_walks off_)

**Ella**- Well, he was in a hurry.

**Lucia**- Probably off to meet his mother, I heard he was a real mama's boy.

**Tamara**- I think he just didn't want to be here. (_looks at Maggie_) Some fans are a bit too much to handle.

**Sabrina**- (_under her breath_) Cut it out.

**Maggie**- I'm sorry, was that directed at me?

**Tamara**- Just a tad.

**Maggie**- That's funny because I heard you were the one that scared Kiesha off a couple weeks ago.

**Ned**- (_putting an arm around Tamara_) Come on, lets stand over there.

**Tamara**- (_to Maggie_) Oh really. (_shrugs Ned off_) And who sold you that load?

**Maggie**- You really want to know? It was--

**Sabrina**- (_cutting her off_) Alright everyone. Let's just calm down. (_they all sigh deeply and stop_) Now, who hasn't come out yet?

**Ella**- Um, (_thinking_) Squiggy. (_looks at Maggie and Eva_) Sean.

**Eva**- Wait, did he play (_film jumps_).

**Tamara**- Yea, he's the understudy and since Paul's in Texas he's been on all week.

**Eva**- (_smiling_) He was cute.

**Sabrina**, **Lucia**, **Ella**- (_dreamy_) Yes he is.

**Ned**- (_to Eva_) He makes them swoon.

**Tamara**- Unfortunately with the swoon comes the bottom-feeder.

**Maggie**- In my neck of the woods, we call her Clarissa.

**Sabrina**- (_confused_) Wait, so you know about her? (_pauses_) In that way, I mean.

**Maggie**- Of course I do. Who doesn't?

**Ned**- Then why are you two friends?

**Maggie**- Because I have to get my bootlegs somewhere.

**Ella**- So you've been... using her?

**Maggie**- Pretty much. (_all look at each other_)

**Sabrina**- (_coughs_) You know we boot, too, right?

**Lucia**- Yea, and as far as we know we're the only ones with consent from half of the cast. We got some pretty great ones, pictures and videos. Hourglass Flipster.

**Maggie**- Really? Wait, _you're _Hourglass Flipster on (_film jumps_) dot com?

**Sabrina**- That's me, well, us.

**Maggie**- So you're the ones who shot (_film jumps_), the one Jessica's website?

**Ned**- That's Sabrina's work. You have seen them, then?

**Maggie**- I posted it on my journal. (_beat_) Clarissa told me it was hers. That she used her brother's email to put it up.

**Tamara**- Big surprise.

**Sabrina**- That son of a... (_bits her lip_) She's taking credit for my video, she has some nerve.

**Maggie**- All of your videos, actually, and all of the pictures. (_Sabrina huffs and cracks her knuckles_)

**Eva**- Hold on, is that what she was doing with the camera? (_to Ella_) You told me she was checking to see if the batteries worked. I had no idea you were (_whispers_) bootlegging!

**Ella**- Don't worry, it's not like we sell it. Or even record the whole show. Plus we have the cast to back us up. (_pauses_) She's really steady.

**Eva**- But...

**Lucia**- Sean's out. (_Ella, Sabrina, Eva, and Lucia all smooth down their hair_) How long do you think it'll take him to get over here?

**Ned**- Well, the crowd's thinned some.

**Tamara**- That's because Rosalind left already. That fake boobed, conceded, scene---

**Maggie**- ---stealing, fame hungry witch. (_looks at Tamara; Tamara looks back; both shocked_) You don't like her?

**Tamara**- (_shakes her head_) You neither? (_Maggie shakes her head_)

**Ned**- Oh, isn't this sweet? They both harbor a hatred for the same (_pauses_), what was it?

**Sabrina**, **Lucia**- Fake-boobed, conceded, scene-stealing, fame hungry witch. (_they laugh_)

**Ned**- That's it. (_Eva and Ella mouth 'Wow'_)

**Maggie**- Wait, why don't you like her?

**Tamara**- Well, none of us do, actually. Well, off stage, that is. She's just... she's just...

**Ella**, **Eva**- A fake-boobed, conceded, scene-stealing, fame hungry witch.

**Ned**- That's it. (_they all nod_)

**Lucia**- Sean's , like, six people away.

**Sabrina**- (_to Eva_) You want your picture with him?

**Eva**- (_surprized_) Yea, do you?

**Sabrina**- If he has the time. (_leaning into her_) And don't worry, he's straight so you can like him, I mean really like him. (_both look at Ned_)

**Ned**- It's fine, discuss his romantic life. Anyway, I think he has a girlfriend, so don't get your hopes up too high. Then again, I don't know, don't quote me on it. (_all look to Lucia_)

**Lucia**- Don't look at me, I don't have a clue. Though I'm hoping he is single, if you know what I mean. (_elbows Eva_)

**Ella**- (_singing to herself_) Sean's coming, Sean's coming. Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy Sean. (_noticing others_) What?

**Tamara**- You're dancing. You don't dance.

**Lucia**- Not in public anyway.

**Ella**- (_shrugs_) Well, I'm happy. (_smiles at them_)

**Ned**- (_puts an arm around her_) And if you're happy, I'm happy.

**Sean**- (_behind Ella_) And I'm happy. (_all turn to him_)

**Ella**- (_startled_) Omigod. You scared me.

**Sean**- sorry. (_hugs her_) I didn't mean to. I'm just glad you're happy.

**Ella**- And you know why, don't you? (_he shakes his head_) It was your (_film jumps_) in there that made me happy.

**Sean**- (_blushes_) Aw, thanks. How are all of you?

**Tamara**- Good. How're you?

**Sean**- I'm going well. Were you all inside?

**Lucia**- What you didn't see us?

**Sean**- No, but I'm pretty sure I heard you. There's no mistaking you guys during (_film jumps_).

**Ned**- That was them. Your 'fangirls'.

**Sean**- Well, thanks for coming.

**Sabrina**- Before I forget, this is Eva (_pushing her forward_) today was her first show. I think you hooked her.

Eva- You were really good. You have a great voice, very commanding.

**Sean**- That's sweet, thank you. (_hugs her_)

**Eva**- Can you sign my playbill? (_holds it out_)

**Sean**- Of course, hon. (_signs_)

**Eva**- Thank you. And I'd like a picture if you don't mind.

**Sean**- Of course not. (_leans into Eva; Ned takes picture_) Oh, right you have that Jack Bauer camera. Silent but deadly.

**Sabrina**- Care to face the Power of Bauer again?

**Sean**- Hey, (_shrugs_) I'm a risk taker.

**Clarissa**- (_steps between Sean and Sabrina_) Hi, Sean.

**Sean**- Um, hi. (_fake smiles as rest grind teeth_) How are you?

**Clarissa**- Not good, why haven't you taken me backstage yet?

**Sean**- I'm sorry?

**Clarissa**- I told you I wanted to go backstage, since I am an actor and all, and you haven't taken me yet.

**Sean**- (_stammering_) Well... I... Uh...

**Eva**- (_to Clarissa_) Excuse me, Clarissa, is it? (_Clarissa looks at her_) Yea, I believe my friend here was talking to Sean, not you.

**Clarissa**- What?

**Sabrina**- Come on, Eva, it's alright.

**Eva**- No, it's not and that's the problem. You guys have been complaining about her all day and yet you're letting her do this. (_to Clarissa_) Now, will you please wait until we have finished before you start with your crap? (_to Sabrina_) Weren't you going for a picture?

**Sabrina**- I, uh...

**Clarissa**- (_to Eva_) And who are you?

**Eva**- Oh, I'm Eva. It's my first time at the show and you are not going to ruin it for me. Or my friends for that matter.

**Clarissa**- Okay I don't know what these people have been telling you, but I've never done anything to them.

**Eva**- Really? Telling Sabrina the only way to get what you want is by pushing others out of your way?

**Sabrina**- How'd you know that?

**Eva**- (to Sabrina) I heard. And telling Tamara things she doesn't want to hear and blaming Maggie?

**Tamara**- She did what?

**Eva**- Then, of course, you basically turning Ned homophobic? I'm thinking something along the lines of calling him gay for hanging out at Broadway shows.

**Ned**- Eva! Come on!

**Eva**- Feeding Lucia some lame-ass rumors that she's sure to spread because, (to Lucia) no offense, (_to Clarissa_) she'd kind of a gossip.

**Lucia**- Hey! I'm right here.

**Eva**- And Maggie, who I don't even know, seems to be scaring away the actors and I'm pretty sure it's not because of her perfectly shaped eyebrows. You had something to do with that, huh?

**Maggie**- Wait, how'd she... you think my eyebrows are perfect?

**Eva**- And, finally, Ella. The girl I've known since junior high pulling a 'Two Face' from who she really is and who she is here. I'd say she was PMSing or something, but then I think of her when she's only dealing with the actors. When it comes to the fans, she clams up and my theory is that each and everyone of them holds a little bit of you and she hates that. Am I close?

**Ella**- Eva, I don't know what to say.

**Clarissa**- Who are you?

**Eva**- I'm the newest (_film jumps_) fan. And I don't think that should entitle any silence, inside or outside of the theatre.

**Ella**- (_pulling Eva aside_) Eva, out of all the dirt I told you about her,why those? (_pauses_) How those? I didn't even tell you about them.

**Eva**- I'm not studying criminal psychology for fun. Plus everyone (_indicating everyone at stagedoor_) figured that stuff out already.

**Tamara**- Talk about a fake boobed, conceded, scene---

**Lucia**- ---stealing, fame hungry witch. Honestly.

**Clarissa**- You are all such... I can't believe you... I didn't do... It's just that...

**Ned**- Hey, Clarissa, I guess it's good you're an (_air quotes_) "actor". You spparently need a script at all times.

**Maggie**- (_to Clarissa_) One word, three syllables: 'De-Friend-ed'. (_Clarissa huffs and turns to leave_)

**Sabrina**- (_to Clarissa_) Oh, and I'd really appreciate it if you stopped taking credit for my videos and pictures. (_sweetly_) Thank you. (_Clarissa storms off_)

**Eva**- (_sighs deeply_) So? Happy? (_they all give small laughs_)

**Sean**- Uh. (_cough_s) Do you still want a picture?

**Sabrina**- Actually. (_takes camera from Ned_) I think this would be better. (_goes to Amy_) Excuse me? Would you take our picture?

**Amy**- (_confused_) Um, sure, yea. (_Sabrina joins group and Sean_) Okay, say (_pauses_) 'Stagedoor Confidential'. (_takes picture_)

_All goes dark for a minute. When lights come back on, _

_Amy is at her desk wearing her business attire._

_She has a smile on her face and stands._

**Amy**- Ladies and gentlemen, Lucia, Tamara, Ned, Sabrina, Maggie, Ella, and Eva. (_Amy walks out from behind the desk; Lucia, Ned, and Maggie walk in on one side; Tamara, Sabrina, Ella, and Eva on the other; all smile_) On behalf of all of our viewers: Thank you. I've never had that much excitement at a stagedoor. So tell me, Ned, was that the most eventful stagedoor for you too?

**Ned**- (_laughs_) Oh, yes. And I"ve been to quite a few. But none like this, ever. And I never want it to happen again, but if it does explode I'll call you. It's cool to have it on tape.

**Amy**- Promise? Tamara, have you been back yet?

**Tamara**- To (_film jumps_)? Of course, but after people see this I think we may need to take a break from it for a little while.

**Amy**- Or go undercover, like your's truly. What about the actors, how'd they react to this being filmed, especially Sean?

**Lucia**- (_puppy dog eyes_) Oh, poor Sean, he was so paranoid. He thinks he started the fight and didn't want everyone to see it.

**Maggie**- Yea, but afterwards, when we explained everything he calmed down a bit. And the others who were filmed see it as big press, a 'breakthrough' if you will, for the show.

**Amy**- We aim to please. And about the whole camera business?

**Ella**- (_innocently_) Whatever are you talking about? (_laughs_) No, um, it is true that we have permission from some of the cast, but I think we may have to be a little more careful now.

**Amy**- Well, I was talking about your pictures from stagedoor. (_laughs_) I assume they've all been posted on (_film jumps_) dot com? (_all nod_) But going back to the argument, Sabrina, how does it feel to have it all off your chest?

**Sabrina**- Oh, there's too much to say. If you really want to hear it all you can go to my journal at (_film jumps_) dot com backslash sabsie23. But in one word: relieved. I'm relieved.

**Amy**- I can imagine.. And last but certainly not least, Eva. (_pauses_) Wow.

**Eva**- I know. (_shakes her head_) I am not usually like that but it was my first time and I'd had enough already. I didn't want it to end the way it would have had I not spoken up. I wanted it to end on a high note, something I could remember fondly.

**Amy**- Well, you positively did that.

**Eva**- (_quietly_) Thank you.

**Amy**- Alright, we are going to have to sign off but first I want to thank these people once more. Eva, Ella, Sabrina, Tamara, Maggie, Ned, and Lucia thank you for joining me here at the studio and out at the theatre. To those actors who appeared in the video: Adam(_film_ _jumps_), Jessica (_film_ _jumps_), David (_film_ _jumps_), Jeremy (_film_ _jumps_), Kirsten (_film_ _jumps_), Danny (_film_ _jumps_), and Sean (_film_ _jumps_). Please, go out to the (_film_ _jumps_) theatre and see (_film_ _jumps_). Keep fans like these busy and people like you and I entertained. Lastly, I want to thank Clarissa, I want to thank her her making this a show like no other but with what I've heard and scene about her I don't think thanking her is the best source of action. I am Amy Gallagher and this has been another edition of 'Stagedoor Confidential'. And remember, the stars don't come out the door unless you're there to greet them.

_The broadcast music rises and Amy starts to_

_shake Maggie's hand. Ella is whispering _

_something to Eva, Tamara is smiling and _

_saying something to Sabrina, Lucia is waving _

_to the camera, Sabrina takes out her own _

_camera and starts to film, and Ned is talking _

_to Maggie and Amy. Lights and music fade _

_out._


End file.
